First Song

As a singer and a music-lover, during my pregnancies I often think about what my babies first song will be. What will I first sing to them? Usually it's been "I am a Child of God" because, in the end, that's what I want them to know.

In the past I've sung to my babies within the first hour of life, usually right after delivery, in that precious time when they are first experiencing the world. Within that early time I have always wanted them to experience one of the greatest beauties of the world: music. However, Kate was born at 4:15 AM after an all-night labor. I was completely exhausted, so tired that I really didn't have it in me to sing.

The days have passed quickly and the adjustment to 3 small children, plus a newborn has been really overwhelming. There just simply isn't enough mommy to go around. Plus, Kate has been struggling with her Bilirubin counts, so the days have been filled with lab and Dr office visits and nights with phototherapy treatments.

However, this morning the other 3 kids went to play at grandma's and Kate and I were left at home to prep for another Dr's visit. I was feeding her in a quiet house and she began to fall asleep. She looked so beautiful lying still in my arms that, without thinking, I started to sing the old folk song "Beautiful Dreamer" softly to her. As soon as I began, she opened her eyes and stopped eating. She held perfectly still and, with the most peaceful yet joyful look on her face and light in her eyes, she listened. Then, when the little song was done, she softly closed her eyes and with the closest thing I've seen to it, she smiled and went to sleep.

It was a holy moment, a little gift amid the fatigue, worry, and craziness of the last few days since her arrival. Whether she'll love music the way I do, I can't say. Whether it will heal her and feed her soul the way it does mine, I'm not sure. But I know that in that moment I saw a glimpse of the big, beautiful Spirit inside her tiny body. And, I was witness to perhaps her first recognition of beauty--not the beauty of a voice but her recognition that there is beauty in this world.

 I wish I could capture that small moment somehow and hold onto it. I hope someday in Heaven we'll get to look back on moments like this. I think even in all the beauty and wonder of eternity I'll still treasure this moment of Kate's first song.