Timing is a funny thing. I like to plan and organize, prepare and schedule, yet so much of what happens in our lives is absolutely up to the Lord and his timing. I've been reflecting on the Lord's timing in my life and the life our our family. In doing so I've been reminded just how much we are in the Lord's hands.
With McKay and Benson, becoming pregnant was not a problem. So, I assumed that when we thought it was time to begin trying for our third child, things would move pretty quickly. I was surprised and a little worried as months went by and nothing happened. I didn't understand and was afraid something was wrong. Not to mention that our insurance was ending shortly after BJ graduated, meaning we needed to have the baby close to graduation in order to avoid an uninsured and very expensive delivery.
After several months things finally worked out and I was both happy and relieved to be carrying our third child. However, this pregnancy has been a struggle for me. I feel terribly silly saying that, as I've had friends who've been hospitalized or on bed-rest during their pregnancies. Compared to so many, my difficulties are small. And yet, this has been a tough seven months.
During the first trimester I was quite sick, more so than with the first two. As the day progressed I would feel worse and worse until the nausea would finally land me in bed. I also experienced the typical increased fatigue of pregnancy but again, in a much more pronounced way. I would be asleep as by the time my head hit the pillow at night. These two symptoms, while not enjoyable, are rather normal. However, the biggest struggle has been the varicose veins that seem to plague me during pregnancy.
Due to the position of the uterus, the hormonal changes during pregnancy, and the increased fluids in the body during pregnancy, I develop varicose veins up and down my right leg. By the end of the day, the entire back of my leg and the area around my ankle is a rather shocking combination of greens, purples, and reds--basically it looks as though I've been beaten. The veins protrude and increase in size and severity each day. While to look of my leg is embarrassing (when my legs are exposed, I catch people staring all the time) it is the pain that is the trouble. When I first stand up, there is a shocking intense pain that courses down my leg as the blood flows to my feet. Once the initial shock is over, the veins both ache and throb, increasing in heaviness and pain until the whole leg has shooting pain, forcing me to lay down. This pain intensifies as the pregnancy progresses.
Just before we moved, the pain was becoming too much to bear. By about 5:00 each day, after a day of caring for McKay and Benson, I couldn't stand any longer. Sometimes I would just cry as I prepared dinner for the sheer pain shooting through my leg. Not only was it painful but very discouraging to want to care for my children and home but be unable to do so. It was frustrating, so frustrating and honestly, a little depressing.
After BJ's graduation we moved to Utah and are staying with my parents until we find a home. I realize now that the Lord knew just how much I would need them at this time. Complications with the pregnancy have increased, including a return of severe nausea, weak and fainting spells, and increased leg pain. I can hardly stand or sit for any length of time before the pain starts to be too much.
Heavenly Father knew that I would need my family to help me. My parents and my brother David have been nothing short of angels to me and the boys. They play with the kids, feed them, dress, them, wake up early with them and in so many ways help me and BJ to care for them. They also care for me by cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping--all the daily tasks that cause me so much pain. The boys adore my family and I feel so deeply grateful to have their amazing help at this time. If we were still in Kentucky, nearly all of the boys' care would be left to me and I just couldn't have done it.
We were also able to get an extension on our insurance, providing for coverage until two days after the baby's due date, so I'll be induced a week early, just to make sure we're covered.
While at first I didn't understand why the timing for this third baby wasn't working according to my plans, I now see that the Lord knew what I needed. He knew the difficulties that lay ahead and how much I would need extra help. He was guiding and caring for me and my family long before I could ever see it.
