A Dream

I was pulled from sleep in the dark of the early morning by a cry from McKay. He had come into our room sometime during the night and was lying in a pile of blankets at the foot of the bed. First it was one cry, then another, then, to my surprise, he began weeping.

Though I was still nearly asleep, I could tell his tears were of sorrow. I foggily asked him, “McKay, what’s the matter?” To which he replied, “Oh Mom! I had a bad dream! You died and dad did too!” And then his voice broke and the tears overtook him. He just cried like his little heart was breaking. 

I’ve heard him cry often enough but hardly ever with this kind of sorrow. Even in my drowsy state tears came to my eyes as I realized-- he was weeping for me.

To see his real sorrow and understand it was born out of deep love was both heart-warming and heart-breaking.

I pulled him up into the bed and held him in my arms. I wiped the tears from his cheeks and whispered over and over again, "Mommy is here for you. Mommy will never leave you." until he quieted and fell back to sleep in my arms.

I pray that I am around to wipe his tears, hold him, and comfort him until long after he needs me.  

Lily's trip to the ER

Last week was a really rough one for Lily. Probably her hardest so far. She contracted Hand, Foot and Mouth disease--a terrible virus which causes fevers, blisters in the mouth, and a rash on the arms, legs, and feet. Poor Lily seemed to experience the worst of them all. 

She spent 4 days in seeming agony. This normally bright, cheerful, independent girl literally spent 4 days and nights in my arms. I couldn't put her down or she would sob. Even at night the only peace she could find would be laying on my chest. She didn't eat for 5 days and stopped drinking after the first day. I would pin her down and force some water down her throat but she would scream and choke. It was just awful.

On the 4th day of the illness we became seriously concerned about dehydration. Instead of improving, she seemed to be declining. She became listless and her eyes looked sort of vacant. It was scary. We consulted her pediatrician who instructed us to go to the ER for IV fluids. 

Here she is in her tiny tiger hospital gown. Even in her declining state she would still try to wave at the doctors and nurses as they came into the room. Here she is trying to wave at daddy.

The doctors and nurses did a full round of exams on her including a chest x-ray, blood-draws, and a urine test via catheter. Once all of that was completed they began the IV. These tests pretty much scared her to death. She cried through all of them. Perhaps the saddest thing of all was to see the change in her behavior. At first she would wave at the doctors but once they doctors had done a few tests, she became scared of anyone who walked in the room. Instead of waving at them, she would bury her face in my lap and try to hide. It was so sad!

Once the IV was finished we could see definite improvement in Little Lily. She seems to come back into herself a bit. After the ER trip we continued to see steady progress.

Thankfully today she was entirely back to normal. She was laughing, chasing her brothers, and playing pee-a-boo again. She even let Daddy put her to bed tonight, which made them both very happy! 

I don't know when I've been so relieved. I feel as though I've holding my breath for a week, worrying every minute about her. To see my bright-eyed baby again is such a comfort! We love you sweet Lily girl.

"The Hulk" at Christmas

This is a video from Christmas Eve. Though it's out of season, it's well worth a viewing. First, a little explanation. Every Christmas Eve we do a program with both the Robertson's and the Coxes. The kids all have the opportunity to perform so, after seeing the movie "Frozen", I thought it would be cute to teach McKay and Benson a little dance to "In Summer", the song sung by Olaf the Snowman.

We practiced and practiced and the boys both had all the words and all the moves completely memorized. They even performed it at a local rest home a few days before Christmas. They were adorable performing together!

Well, the Cox family Christmas Eve program arrived and the boys were excited to perform. There were two microphones for kids singing and I guess McKay got it into his head that he wanted to use one of them. So, we gave McKay and Benson each a microphone. However, as the song began McKay realized that his microphone wasn't working. That's the back-story leading to his running off the stage right at the beginning of the song. We encouraged Benson to keep going, not expecting McKay to return...

Important aside: during December McKay was on a bit of a "Hulk Smash" kick. Whenever he would lose his temper he would say, "Now I'm the Hulk! I'm going to smash you!"

First of all, let it be noted that he's never seen any of the Hulk movies. For a while BJ would tell the boys about the superhero movies as part of a bedtime story, so McKay had heard the stories from Daddy.

In quieter moments I would try to reason with McKay. "McKay, it's not good to lose your temper. Even "The Hulk" learned to control is temper. At first he was naughty and would smash things but then he became a good guy and learned to control his anger."

"Yes, Mom but that was in the second movie. I'm only like the Hulk in the first movie."

With that in mind, have a look at the boys charming little Christmas Eve performance:

Sunday Talks

Not exactly sure why every time I pull out my camera the boys do their best pirate faces?!? I promise they look a little more normal most of the time.

Anyway, last Sunday was an eventful one for the boys. McKay gave his first talk in this Primary and he did a great job! He helped me write it and then spoke confidently into the microphone the entire time. He even held up the pictures (with the picture sides facing himself)--but at least he tried.

This was his talk:

"Heavenly Father sent me to earth to learn and grow. He wants me to return to live with Him. But, He knew that I would make some mistakes. I try to choose the right but sometimes I forget. Sometimes I forget to be nice or to obey my mom and dad. Jesus volunteered to come to earth and suffer for me and you and everyone so that we can live with Heavenly Father again. I love Heavenly Father and Jesus."

It was a very sweet little talk. He held up a picture of himself and a picture of Jesus. The topic was on how the atonement of Christ makes it possible to live with Heavenly Father again. Deep doctrine for a five-year-old but it gave us a good chance to talk about that with him and he seemed to understand pretty well.

Benson also participated in Primary. Though more spontaneous that McKay, Benson's comments were no less memorable. 

I was told this after Primary by a few different teachers who all thought it was pretty funny. Apparently Benson was chosen to participate by finding a paper fish with a question on it. 

The question was, "When do you remember Jesus?" 

Benson proudly replied, "I remember Jesus on Sunday and Monday."

 His teacher prompted, "Yes, we can remember Jesus everyday, right?"

Benson said, matter-of-factly, "No, I just remember Jesus on Sunday and Monday." 

Guess we still have a little work to do there...

"I Need You"

I spend a lot of time with these two funny guys and their little sister. They make me laugh, they keep me busy, they run my life, and sometimes they drive me a little nuts. But they also teach me every day.

A couple of months ago it was past their bedtime and they kept coming out of their room. Eventually Benson fell asleep but McKay just kept wandering out. I was not a little exasperated to walk him into his room for the 6th time that evening. As I laid the covers over him he said to me, "Oh mom, I just need you." 

His comment stopped me in my tracks. I sat next to his bed. This very independent little boy took my hand in his small one and fell asleep, holding my hand.

As I held his little hand and watched him drift so peacefully to sleep, I felt the Spirit whisper this profound lesson to me. So often I think of these children from my perspective. I love them. I need them. They make MY life. But as I listened, the Spirit reminded me, "These little ones need you too. They need the best you have to give in every respect. Their world is very small and their mom is at the center of it." 

It was an important reminder that McKay, Benson, and Lily need me. They need the very best I have to give. They need someone who will teach them about a loving Heavenly Father. They need someone who will be patient with them. They need someone whose love will teach them how to love and whose example will teach them how to live. 

Motherhood is a tall order but because the Lord loves us and trusts us, he sends us his spirit children to be nurtured, taught, and loved by us. Even in the stress and fatigue of it all, I'm so grateful that my children need me. It's good to be needed.

Tattled

Today as I picked up Benson Boy from Coop, my friend Allison who was hosting coop said, "Oh Benson said the cutest thing today during lunch. When I gave him his macaroni and cheese he said, "My Mommy and Daddy sing to me when I eat."

Allison then asked if we sing around the dinner table. I think she was picturing some version of the Von Trapps but I couldn't help but burst out laughing.

We do sing to our kids while they eat, but it's not actually for their enjoyment...it's a punishment. 

Our kids hate it when we sing. In fact, they basically won't allow it. We are allowed a few quiet songs at bedtime but if I even begin to hum a few bars, everyone starts shouting and crying. 

Well, recently I've decided we need to foster a little more independence in Benson. He is such a sweetheart but really wants me to do almost everything for him still. He makes me dress him, likes me to be feed him, and someone always has to accompany him to the bathroom. With his 4th birthday around the corner it's getting a bit old. 

So, the other morning when Benson said, "Mom I need you to feeeeeeed me", as he always does I had a stroke of genius.

"I'll feed you," I said, "But if Mommy feeds you then Mommy gets to sing."

I broke out into a ridiculous version of "The Hills Are Alive with the Sound of Music". After two spoonfuls of cereal he couldn't stand it anymore and shooed me away. He finished feeding himself the rest of the cereal and a new standard was set. 

Now when he asks to be fed he immediately says, "But are you going to sing?!?" 

The answer is yes and that usually convinces him to feed himself. 

I had always hoped my music would have persuasive, compelling power. However, I can honestly say I never anticipated it affecting my children in quite this way. :) Here's to the power of music!

Doctrine from a 5 year old

This morning McKay, Benson and I were reading the Old Testament scripture reader for scripture study. At the beginning of the reader before we begin Genesis there is a short section that talks about what happened in the premortal life. In simple terms it explains that 2 plans were presented to the hosts of Spirits who lived there with Heavenly Father before we came to earth.
Jesus presented a plan that would allow everyone to make choices and have agency. He offered himself as a sacrifce to atone for the sins of mankind and provide a way for them to return to Heavenly Father's presence. Then it described Satan's plan: that Satan would force all men to choose the right and there would be no agency, All men would be forced to return back to live with Heavenly Father.

I asked the boys, "So which plan was better?"

They replied, "Jesus' plan".

"Why was Satan's plan bad?" I asked.

McKay thought for a minute and said, "Because we would all be slaves."

Then I thought about it for a minute. I had never thought of it in those terms before.

"Wow, McKay, you are exactly right." And he was!